Last week, I went to Madison, Wisconsin. Then I sat on a runway in Minnesota for three hours and twenty minutes. Then I turned 23! I ate cupcakes and visited the Exploratorium. I am holding onto my youth with the unbreakable grip of fear.
Best Dream Ever.
I had a great dream. I am watching a the World Championship Rock Wall Climbing Competition, except the rock walls are shaped like volcanoes, and, instead of rock walls, they are like jungle gyms. You know, like the metal bar structures that we used to play on as children? I am watching people battle it out on over-sized jungle gyms, and, all of a sudden, GUNFIRE!
Koreans were invading (I knew it was only a matter of time)!! At least one of the two rock wall competitors is shot dead, and the other, I think, scurries off and survives (though who knows for how long). The Koreans continue to shoot, killing whatever and whomever they can. Finally, the gunfire dies down, and they assign us to groups. Each group has a leader—some are Korean, but many are Young White Men who presumably joined the Korean forces to save their own booties.
Each group is marched around and forced to do slave labor. Oftentimes, the entire group stands around, the Korean/White Group Leaders pick about 20 people from the group to do a task, they all leave to do the task, and then only two come back. A lot of people are murdered.
As this begins, I am so scared. Hello, death. Worst thing ever. Luckily, my group is assigned a Young White Man to torture us, AND he happens to have a huge crush on me. Since I am the object of his affection, nothing bad ever happens to me (he does shoot rubber balls at me once), I am never picked for group tasks during which anyone dies, and I survive the oppressive Korean regime.
Because I am so cute.
The end.
“National Geographic Magazine released a video clip showing the most ‘typical’ human face on the planet as part of its series on the human race called ‘Population 7 billion.’”
Like Christmas lasts twelve days and birthdays are more accurately called birthmonths, I think we should stretch Valentine’s Day to at least a week and a half. Ten days of Funfetti cookies in adorable heart shapes!
I want to buy a 99 dollar David’s Bridal wedding dress so that I can do this.
FYI: My bouquet is made of Reese’s. And my boyfriend is probably happy on the inside.
